Insulting 'Gym Teacher' fails to make the grade

By Mary McNamara | Los Angeles Times

September 12, 2008

You have to believe that the pitch for Nickelodeon's first prime-time family movie was something along the lines of " Will Ferrell-light." Gym Teacher: The Movie, which premieres tonight, is the story of a failed Olympic gymnast-turned-gym teacher who faces his last shot at glory in the form of a new National Gym Teacher of the Year contest.

Even with Christopher Meloni (Law & Order: SVU, Oz) in the lead on Nick, it still echoes Blades of Glory, Semi-Pro and Kicking & Screaming.

The main rabbit-trick of loser-turned-winner comedies is humiliation - the protagonist must be brought low to give his subsequent transformation that heady feel-good lift the genre requires.

Gym Teacher is a prime example of what can only be called Mean Kids TV.

Stewie, we quickly learn, is the most popular teacher at Hamm Lake Junior High, perhaps because he allows eighth-graders to cut class for a rousing game of dodge ball and casually uses terms like "spaz." As in "I know a spaz when I see one."

Stewie falls for new teacher Winnie Bleeker (Chelah Horsdal). Scarred by his Olympics humiliation, Stewie is reluctant to take part in the just-announced national competition. But later, he signs up after the obligatory overbearing coach from a competing prep school (an invective-throwing, cashmere-hat-wearing David Alan Grier) trash-talks him in the local gym teacher bar.

As luck would have it, the very next day, gym class is interrupted by new student Roland Waffle (Nathan Kress), a boy so complete in his "spaz"-dom that he wears a safety helmet and elbow guards, and talks about science fiction. Within minutes, the eighth-graders have him strung up and are chucking balls at him. Go team.

Soon Stewie is trying to have Roland expelled so he won't wreck the "team's" chances for success, until he finds that Winnie is his overly protective mom. Then, Stewie begins to understand that Winning Is Not Everything.

In the end, of course, "good" triumphs over "evil," except it doesn't. Because pretty much every professional involved in the competition should be fired.

That said, Meloni does fill out those shorts nicely.

"Gym Teacher: The Movie" airs at 8 tonight on Nickelodeon. *